shrine

chroming

I've had a series of bad and symbolic seeming dreams over the last week or so. They are terrifying in the moment and when I wake up I am completely harrassed and taken over by them. But then I relay them to Jaime and they sound ludicrous. I dream of abandonment, houses that burn down, dark gardens, snakes, poison, secret rooms and being called a bimbo. This is stuff out of a dream dictionary. I didn't have a bad dream last night but I couldn't get to sleep. I tried my best to resolve this in different ways including eating a slice of bread with nutella at a nondescript hour. It didn't really work and thus began my Sunday morning.

I've never tried to take public transport early on a Sunday morning. For some reason I didn't realise that before 11am on a Sunday trains and trams only run every bloody thirty-five minutes or something ridiculous. So here I am being a fool and thinking that leaving at 8am will get me to work at 9.30am. Being pretty damn exhausted from lack of sleep, I simply couldn't handle the 'Imma be late for work' anxiety. I missed a tram, contemplated waiting twenty-five minutes for another, didn't, walked twenty minutes to the closest station to find out the next train was in half an hour. I was alone on the platform with a large, tough looking man who was chroming while bellowing some kind of foreign anthem and then shouting a chant and then talking to himself about his mental illness. I can usually hold a brave face in these circumstances, or atleast a mind your own business face, and just ignore the hell out of an uncomfortable situation. But after ten minutes on the platform I had to leave. I just couldn't stay there for another twenty minutes and feel safe, especially knowing last year an office worker had their throat slit at that station at peak hour on a weekday and I was completely alone. I caved and took a cab. My morning was looking pretty dire.

It was improved immensely the moment I arrived in Footscray. One might even say it became a good morning. I get to Happy River and Jaime is there and her workmates say hi to me. I get coffee and a delicious muffin and wife squeezed orange juice. Then I get into work and though I fumble with the millions of keys to get to the right one for each door I manage to remember all the passwords and open up on time without setting off the alarms. What makes me even happier is that Fcat (the Footscray Arts cat) follows me around while I open up. She didn't even want food since her bowl is full and still likes me even though I accidentally started closing a door on her paw. Anyway, here she is. Have a good Sunday.

hello inkernet

Right now I am sitting at BUS Projects guarding the art. Most weeks when I do this I have things to do like write job applications or show applications or attempt to create websites or something something entertaining someone etc. I have similar things to do today except I am not. I think today I have reached a peak in procrastination that I haven’t experienced in a long time. In the last two and a bit hours I’ve been doing these time filling things – 1 Watching the end of a documentary on the Norfolk Four I started this morning at breakfast, 2 Talking (more than I’m used to), 3 Making pathetic attempts to read Cloud Atlas, 4 Trying to get the internet here to work, 5 Eating the green tea biscuits I brought in as a gift for everyone else here, 6 Drinking tea, 7 Making plans to procrastinate further after I’m done here. I have another 40 minutes before it’s time for me to leave and sit in another place and procrastinate.

As you can see I’m in a rather chipper mood today.

I have to say the most enjoyable part of my day has been using up all my remaining cellular data to look up coerced confessions. I know this sounds like a terribly trashy thing to do but it’s truly fascinating. Despite my timid nature and fear of almost everything, my Wikipedia search sessions often end up in me reading up on various infamous crimes and gruesome events in general. Most of them are American for some reason. Jaime and I were talking about our documentary preferences yesterday and came to the conclusion that Jaime loves learning about the science of things – physics, engineering, the universe, inventions – whereas I don’t have the mind to remember the details. I’m interested in people and history and events. That's it really I have nothing profound to say about the Norfolk Four today. 

In case you’re wondering my life anthem at the moment is a strange mixture of Tegan and Sara’s Heartthrob and the songs from Sister Act. I'm pretty embarrassed to be listening to Heartthrob. So embarrassed that I only listen to it when I'm alone, and not if anyone is in the house or around me until it's late at night. Yet I’m admitting it here. Maybe it's so that my friends can read this and come to terms with the hilarity of it so the next time they see me it would just become a part of me neither of us needs to mention. I don't usually like this kind of pop that Tegan and Sara have suddenly become but I'm just...hooked. It's a bit like when I announced that Macy Gray's Sellout album was horrendous but then posted the music video of AEIOU on here. I just can't admit I like it. Actually I think the reason why I like it is because - even just lyrically - it reminds me a lot of being thirteen fourteen listening to this music and watching The L Word secretly on Channel 7 and entertaining the idea of love and sexy times and romantic and dramatic lifestyles. Tegan and Sara write a lot of love songs. Don't think I'm pinning for that, I don't live 'the lesbian lifestyle' because I choose not to. I like the choices I've made in terms of representing myself and my sexuality and I stick by them. I just get nostalgic thinking about when I was entirely by myself in the Gold Coast and the only thing that helped me through was the thought that one day I would be outta there. And now I am and I feel lucky. 

Another thing I'd like to announce for no reason is that Jaime is teaching me slowly how to play the piano. Her family loves music and everyone plays an instrument or sings and has great aptitude for it. I played the flute for about a year in grade 7 and sang in the choir because it was the only extra-curricular activity I could be bother doing. That is the extent of my musical training. Initially I was a bit stubborn and grumpy about learning something new, but now that I'm getting the hang of a few basics (and I mean BASIC stuff) I feel better about it and I'm glad I'm doing it. 

Okay that's it. I plan to blog more from now on. I want to re-vamp everything, so we'll see what happens! Watch this space and stuff. 

you gotta let yourself hate on them

Right now I'm listening to work modules. It's aight.

Nothing much to report except Jaime and I are in a BAKING FRENZY!!! We've made SO MANY COOKIES over the last few nights. There are THREE KINDS OF SHORTBREAD - SWEET AND SALTY with SPICES in the shapes of scared cats and semi circles and dinosaurs. There is also GINGERBREAD MEN with SMARTIES and DIGESTIVE BISCUITS and DATE FILLED SANDWICH COOKIES!!! We now have more cookies than we know what to do with.

no milk today

Nothing much to report other than I've been working making toast and milo drinks. Also there are subletters in my house!